A Blogger’s Holiday Card

I have a pet peeve about Christmas/Holiday cards and since none of you are going to send me one anyway, I feel safe spilling my guts here. Most of my friends send me beautiful cards decorated with cute pictures of their kids.  Sure, the kids are adorable, but I want to see pics of my friends, not of just their kids!

Heck, even kid-free friends send me pictures of their dogs or cats.  I guess their pets are their life.

But what sort of a card can a pet-free or a kid-free blogger send?  If perhaps they sent a picture of what is dearest to them it would look like this pic I made.

So why don’t folks send pictures of themselves?  Here are my guesses:

They hate the way they look:  They feel they are too fat, too skinny, too old, too grey, too wrinkly, too flabby or just too ugly.

But if you are one of those the people who don’t send pictures of yourself, and this is not your excuse, please let me know in the comments.

And please try to avoid “fart-logic” (see definition here), because I will smell my way through it.  If you say any of the following, I will know that you really do think you are ugly.

  • I couldn’t find a good picture of all of the whole family
  • I am not very photogenic
  • My kid(s)/pet(s) are so cute
  • I couldn’t find a person to get a pic of all of us
  • I can’t get everyone together at the same time for a group picture.

So look, the holiday seasons are suppose to be about feeling good (yeah sure, with a touch of religious sentiment of course).  So if you send an ugly picture of yourself, I will look at it and feel better about myself and you will have added to my holiday joy!  So just send the damn picture.  Lighten up, we know you are ugly — we are all ugly!  Sure, you could also say “We are all Beautiful”, but to put a Buddhist spin on this decidedly JudeoChristian season, we should be comfortable with being both beautiful, ugly and neither.  Just send your damn pictures!

Happy Holidays !  — Love, Sabio


Filed under Philosophy & Religion

13 responses to “A Blogger’s Holiday Card

  1. Ed

    Sabio… I am going to take a chance and tell you an actual secret… in your most public blog. I am a “January 2nd Person”. We celebrate the “Un-Holiday”. On January 2nd the freakin’ holidays are over; no more trees in the house; no dead birds, no special colors; no boring jingles we have heard a billion times; no gifts; no damn cards with pictures as you described in your post; no people asking the same hurtful questions like, ‘will you be with someone Ed? … We hope you wont be all alone on this special day … you can always come to our house … so what are your BIG plans for Christmas?’ It makes me want to scream… Look, my parents are dead, my kids live elsewhere, I’m divorced and I am not a christian. It’s just another day to me! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! :-}

    So, I instituted the Un-Holiday several years ago. At the most, a simple nod of the head is enough. Anymore and you have spoiled it. One friend wanted to make T-shirts saying “January 2nd… It’s the Un-Holiday”. I told him he was fired for not getting the point. No fuss at all: no t-shirts, cards, trees, songs, presents or any of that crap.

    Therefore, there is no seasonal card that would please me. Just face north-west on January 2nd and give me a nod.

  2. @ Ed : So, what are you doing for the holidays? Feel free to come over our place during , bring anyone you want as long as it is not one of those trashy orange-robe chicks. Hope you liked my card — it is the best picture I could get of my machine. Don’t you just want to hug her. Don’t! She is mine. Peace dude!! Oh yeah, and a big uncomfortable hug!

  3. @ Ed :
    PS: A little tear just came to my eye when I saw that you replied to my fantastic post 2 minutes after I posted it. I envisioned you waiting by your cute little Mac waiting for contact with the real world. So I calculated the distance between Bayfield Wisc and my home (shhhh, secret). Anyway, it is only about 15 hours. Get in your car and come join us. My chicken pen is your home. Also, my new dog has agreed to let you sit in my lap when I meditate! 😉😉😉

  4. atimetorend

    How about, “Putting your best foot forward…”, meaning, we all think our kids are more attractive than ourselves, and we are probably right.

    But you are right, we should not be afraid of how ugly we are. :^)

  5. @ A_Time_to_Rend :
    Well, if we want to send friends pictures of people who are “more attractive than ourselves”, then I can think of much better choices! However, the reason we don’t send those more luscious choices, is because we actually think of our kids as our own possessions — as actually being part of US. I used the choice of a computer in my post to illustrate how bizarre our thoughts are!
    Now I happen to know in your case, ATR, your family is very good looking! But pray tell [sic], what kind of holiday cards did you mixed up family send? [BTW, for readers, ATR is an agnostic but his wife, at last report, is still a Christian].

  6. Earnest

    @ Sabio:
    Loved your card, hope you liked ours, but we are indeed an example of what you describe. However, if you go through the 300+ images we did to find one where one son or the other was NOT making some sort of bizarre expression, you would desperately reach for a beer and probably default on the image we did.

    Another problem I have is that an unnamed woman I know dislikes great pictures of herself. I can engage in a recurrent battle against her body dysmorphism and once again lose and default on the image we chose or I can not bother to fight and default on the image we chose.

    Wow that was depressing!

    Happy Holidays!

  7. Brandon

    [@ Brandon: hope you don’t mind but I increased the contrast in your card so that details were clearer. For readers with bad eyes, the sign says: “Cornerstone Ministries: Looking for ways to ???? your life”. Can anyone read that?]

  8. Earnest

    @ Brandon: Thanks I needed that!

  9. Brandon

    Thanks, Sabio! And the sign says “Looking for ways to un-wreck your life?”

  10. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! i put a pic of Ghost-toddler on our card cause she’s extremely cute. plus i get enough press time anyway. i’ll put my ugly mug back on it but only when i’m regaled in my medieval pimp outfit (AKA my robe and stole).

    happy holidays and a merry new year amigo!

  11. We normally put a whole family picture, since it’s an excuse to photographically document once per year. But I’ve definitely overridden that in the past when a photo didn’t turn out too good, so you nailed that excuse🙂

    I think some people use pets because they think it would be perceived as vain or narcissistic to send a self-portrait.

  12. Ed

    I don’t know what to say… I think I will pass on the sitting on your lap thing for sure. Thanks for the invitation too, but I was serious (sort of)… I do not like this time of year and I just get through it. I will work on some music I am writing, chop wood, haul wood, burn wood, ski, sleep later, and avoid people… :-}

    And as to why I answered so quickly, well, I hate to burst your bubble, but I just happened to be on the computer ( I got a new 15″ Macbook Pro recently)… and the thing makes a sound every time an email comes in…

    What makes you think I am lucky enough to even know any trashy orange clad females? All the orange folks I know are really very nice and quite sincere.

    So, whatever you and your family are doing in the coming days, enjoy. The kids grow quickly and head out… I will be enjoying my own personal monastery.

  13. @ Zero1Ghost :
    Thanks, I added another lame excuse to my list. Merry Christmas.

    @ JS Allen :
    Thanx for the witness

    @ Ed :
    I was being totally sarcastically facetious and playing with you. I totally get what you mean. But don’t fool yourself, there has to be at least one trashy orange-clad out there ! 🙂 See, I can’t help myself. I am recalcitrantly irreverent and playful. All said with the utmost of affection.

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