How do you write? I am always pleasantly surprised that my posts morph unpredictably. I start writing with some hint of purpose but the post quickly seems to take on its own life — leaping forward as my earlier words wisp away. I will often jot down several paragraphs of ideas, impressions and conclusions, and then rewrite them several times. I won’t open them again until a day or more later: cut, paste, rewrite that material until it is indistinguishable from the original. I may repeat that process several times over several days. It is never the same post or the same me writing it — I love it.
The continual changing makes it see odd to stop and hit the “publish” button — for if I thought my last version was better than the first, then perhaps I should just keep coming back to it day after day.
But is it really “better”? Sometimes I actually have past copies to compare to the new-and-better versions. And when I compare them, I sometimes lament the loss of the unpolished, simple original. Sometimes I wish I could at least snip out some of the flavor of my raw jottings and add them to the latest version. But usually, it is too late to go back. My older fun tones don’t mix with the new fun tones — damn, why can’t writing be all of us at once.
So it seems blogging very much reflects my mental life in general. Though I am continually “me”, of course, this dumbing hallucination is belied by reading past writings. And though I may be tempted to identify with my present thoughts, I am humbled to know they may not be mine tomorrow. And though now feels better, I savor the past and always wish she’d come back to enliven my now.
OK, today’s post is a bit out of style — but hell, we should allow that, no?
Question to Visitors: How does your writing evolve? Have you sensed anything like I tried to sketch here of the parallel between your ephemeral-self and your writing?
HT to photo artist.