A True Follower of Jesus: Part 1

Tofu_JesusChristians who eschew denominational classifications or religious taxonomies, commonly use self-congratulatory appellations such as: “I am a follower of Jesus” or “I am a disciple of Jesus”.

From my experience, however, few of those Christians are following Jesus as seriously as a friend of mine once did. Actually, as I have written here, I am glad most Christians do not follow Jesus — as you will see.

Of course each Christian envisions Jesus differently, picking their own favorite passages or images for the Jesus of their imaginations. And I guess if they make him bland enough, they might actually be following some undemanding Tofu Jesus.

My friend Greg, however, did not follow a Tofu Jesus, he was following a full-blown apocalyptic Jesus. I met Greg during my hitchhike from Europe to India.  Neither of us had any money. And if I remember correctly, our paths crossed the American consulate in Turkey. Greg was a gaunt, 22 year-old blonde Floridian who met Jesus two years earlier and was taking his Jesus to heart.


Following the Jesus in his head, Greg was on his way to India to find a cave where he felt he was to store-up honey in preparation for the end times. Following Jesus’ admonition in Matt 6:26, Greg had given up almost everything he owned, rarely wore a shirt, and carried the minimum of belongings.

Greg had blonde hair down to the middle of his back feeling that God would care for him so there was no need to either cut his hair nor brush his teeth.  Well, this all went well with his hair, but Greg was also a fruititatarian which was apparently bad for his teeth. I am not sure how he got the Bible to tell him that being a fruitarian was what Jesus wanted of him, but he was diligent. So during our travels, we had to beg twice for local dentists to pull out two of his rotting, aching teeth since he could not pay for repair. Greg was amazing though — he did this with no complaints and no local anesthesia.

In Part 2 I will share a little more about Greg — the most devoted follower of Jesus I have met. I remembered this story after reading Alice’s post chronicling her exist from Christianity where she said,

“Roughly two years ago we [her husband and her] were having supper and one of my back molars just caved in. At the time I was expecting the Rapture at any second so I just put it off.”

Alice, like Greg, was really was following Jesus teachings concerning her teeth.  Well, whether it was Jesus’ spirit or some imaginary Jesus in their heads, we can’t be sure –though I have my suspicions.

Question to readers: Have you done anything stupid for the Jesus in your head?

Note: HT for snake pic and Jesus pic which I photoshopped.



Filed under Philosophy & Religion

4 responses to “A True Follower of Jesus: Part 1

  1. I’m liking this through comment. If you’re interested, stop over at my blog in about half an hour. I’ve got a terrifying self-proclaimed Jesus story for you. -.-

  2. That second picture is funny. It reminded me of something my husband observed last summer about that very same verse.

  3. @Alice,
    Yeah, I was explaining this stuff a little to my wife, this morning. When I told her the verse she said, “That is crazy.” This made me think of CS Lewis’ horrible logic that either Jesus was a madman, a liar or God himself. Well, I think people are complex with crazy parts and fantastic parts. But this verse puts weight on the crazy part for sure. Some Atheists like to appease Christians by saying, “I think he was a great teacher.” Well, this verse and many others show you he was a mixture of inspiring, crazy, wrong, ignorant and much more — gee, seems like the rest of us. Not that I think the Jesus stories (the Gospels) really tell us actually anything about some actual guy.

  4. I donated money to Bob Larson, the charlatan exorcist. Used to listen to him on the radio, while he was casting out demons. Never mind that it was less convincing than the classic Orson Wells War of The Worlds broadcast, I really wanted to believe in this spiritual world.

    Did plenty of other stupid things too, but this one is at the top of the list.

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